Where's the Hidden Camera?

"I think," he said. "All you can do is compare guys to the guys they played against."

"More than reasonable," I replied. "But that still leaves us with a big problem."

"What's that?"

"Teammates," I said. "The cultists might not like it, but teammates matter. And motherfucker did title-shipping MJ have some teammates. Especially the second run. Kukoc is in the Hall of Fame, Scottie's in the Hall and an all-time great, and, then, we've got Dennis Rodman. The Worm's not just a Hall of Famer and all-time great, he's an all-time all timer."

"If I recall correctly," he said. "Kyrie got a few buckets when the Cavs beat the Warriors."

"Thank you," I said. "I always appreciate people making my case for me."

He smiled.

I was sitting in the second deck of the beautifully ancient gymnasium at Webster Groves High School. The joint was packed. On hand to see my beloved Christian Brothers play an early-season game, I'd somehow found myself in yet another round in the endless MJ-LeBron brawl. The latest versus the sixtyish man seated to my left.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" I wondered.

My appetite for trying to de-program people who've obviously been brainwashed has come to make me nauseous. Much like cartoonishly stupid debates with MAGA cultists, I'm drawing dead. Stone. Fucking. Dead. I simply don't have the chops to help these poor souls.

But I can't help it. Clearly in need of professional help myself, I'm incapable of staying quiet when even a morsel of bullshit appears at my door.

"You know what?" I said. "Since we covered the fact that no one, not even LeBron, can get a ring without some help, how about this. Imagine we airdropped a 22-year-old Jordan onto the 2007 Cavs to replace Bron and you were somehow forced to risk your last dollar. You betting Larry and Andy Varejão and the legendary Sasha Pavlović wind up conference champions?"

"I'm gonna be real honest," he replied. "I wouldn't bet against Jordan doing anything."

"Really? Not even winning a playoff series without Scottie Pippen? I mean, to be fair, MJ only won one playoff game without Scottie. One win and nine losses. Not great, you know?"

"Nah," he said. "You're right. Michael Jordan sucks. He wasn't worth a damn."

Huh?